Bottom Lines Create Top Lines :Experience, Strength & Hope for Sex and Love Addicts

Paradigm is defined as a pattern or model. SLAA recovery gives me the opportunity to enter a new pattern of behavior and a new paradigm . This paradigm is a world of sustainable love without conditions and this love is given to me by a higher power.  It is a world of purpose beyond relationships and what I can get but about giving and witnessing how god is working in my life and the life of others. Delusion is defined in the Merriam Webster dictionary as being a  belief or impression that one maintains despite it being contradicted in reality or rational argument...it can often be a symptom of a mental disorder  Often old ideas or delusions can re surface in recovery .  These old ideas can take hold similar like how a virus that has been beaten wants to rehook itself into our cells and trick our immune system into replicating itself. Often times this can occur when putting the principles of recovery to practice such as entering a new romantic re...

“ We were doing the withdrawing;” we were choosing to take back or withdraw the energy which we had been squandering on futile pursuits. This very energy, now back within us, was helping us to become whole people"  Sex and love addicts Anonymous First Edition pg -113  The beginning stages of our step and recovery process is what our literature calls withdrawal. This stage is a beginning of healing from the pain of numbing out on a person, sex or situation and allows us to be available to our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life. Often times this occurs after we have created bottom lines and are withdrawing our energy from the addictive behaviour. Through letting go of the addictive situation we are able to look at our own stumbling blocks, behaviors, and challenges that create a disconnection between ourselves and the power that will help us not act out, stay sober and as a result identify what creates a disconnection between ourselves, other people and the c...

The program of SLAA provides me a way to solve the problem of fear in a way that creates manageability, brings connection and peace. Without SLAA in my life, I am caught in an endless cycle of fear that stops me from living and dictates that suicide is the only way out. When I take inventory on my fear, at first sight, it can be surface level. It could be fear of losing a partner, potential mate, friendships, family, and friends. I then find myself in the trap of using my relationships and external circumstances to solve the irritability brewing below the surface. I break my fear down by  1) Identifying what I would loose that I already possessed and 2) Identify what I think I would fail to get that I demanded 3) Continue to ask why I have this fear After I take it through the inventory I am able to see the truth. For example, I have often found a repeated pattern of the fear of being alone in active addiction and in recovery. Although I have this fea...

Acting out on bottom lines or anorexic tendencies is risky. Its risky because I don't know when I will stop and I don't know what the consequences will be. I had a relapse three years into SLAA. When I look at the story of the jaywalker in the  big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and compare my acting out and thinking to jaywalking I relate completely "Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say for jay -walking. He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of the fast- moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for few years in spite of friendly warnings" Big book Alcoholics Anonymous Fourth edition pg. 37. My relapse was so cunning that I worked the steps even harder (and I slipped again)even with the friendly warning of a sponsor.  I made excuses not to go to meetings, made excuses that my sponsor didn't get it etc. etc. etc .  I started skipping out on meetings and essentially I almost did...

In my addiction, I had no ability to identify how my emotional, sexual and relationship patterns influenced my life. My life strategy was ingrained in my behavior early on in my formative and teenage years.   I was essentially powerless to see my patterns. I was powerless because the way I thought and felt about what I did and what I did in general was of no matter to the consequences I got. As my shame got deeper ingrained and reinforced from the people I engaged with or the actions I took, the more my mental defense grew to shield me from my memories and the acting out went on.   The big book clearly outlines this. When I substitute alcoholic for sex and love addict and drinking with outing out or relationship behavior I relate completely. “The fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient ...

When I was experiencing feelings of agitation during my addiction I would use the next fantasy, escape into the idea that a man would rescue me, think a   career/ money would solve my problems, that having  children would make me feel better and the list went on ad infinitum. However, the 12 step program of SLAA and the influence of AA, gives me the format necessary to embrace my agitation without having to engage in an additive process or harm others. Through a 10th step spot check inventory I am given the suggestion of   “Pause”. This suggestion is indeed a miracle. Firstly, When I was in my addiction I never had a right or a choice to do anything but what the addiction told me to do and secondly later in recovery where I work a program,   I find that old behavior can come up and that my inability to pause is due to my pride or my self centered impulse that dictates I do things to make me feel ok or to ignore it ( as an anorexic) and carry on! However I ...