Life affirming

When I was experiencing feelings of agitation during my addiction I would use the next fantasy, escape into the idea that a man would rescue me, think a  career/ money would solve my problems, that having  children would make me feel better and the list went on ad infinitum. However, the 12 step program of SLAA and the influence of AA, gives me the format necessary to embrace my agitation without having to engage in an additive process or harm others. Through a 10th step spot check inventory I am given the suggestion of  “Pause”. This suggestion is indeed a miracle. Firstly, When I was in my addiction I never had a right or a choice to do anything but what the addiction told me to do and secondly later in recovery where I work a program,  I find that old behavior can come up and that my inability to pause is due to my pride or my self centered impulse that dictates I do things to make me feel ok or to ignore it ( as an anorexic) and carry on! However I find it to be a useless effort to engage in these processes and I become unhappy to my own life threatening my sobriety and fueling the next possible acting out episode.


However, through pausing and a spot check I am given power. I am given power to look at my agitation or irritability and look at the source of the agitation with grace ease and love from a higher power.  For instance if I am feeling stressed and tired then maybe I need to give myself the time to breathe and do the following

  •  Pray and ask god to help reveal what is the source of the agitation 
  • Write myself a loving encouraging letter validating what I am doing, telling myself how proud I am of this work, or the work in question
  • Write an affirmation of what I am doing is enough and that I am enough
  • Write a letter to thank god and express my love for his/her/its care

All of these activities are as step 3 states “ Life affirming” I affirm that I am agitated, that I have stress and that I am human being needing my higher powers guidance to affirm that all is in fact ok.  Through the process of spiritual experience of the third step and affirming my life, through the 10th step pause, I am able to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually and be given the power I need to not act out and experience happiness in my life.

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