Spiritual or Mental Defense: Bottom lines Part II


Acting out on bottom lines or anorexic tendencies is risky. Its risky because I don't know when I will stop and I don't know what the consequences will be. I had a relapse three years into SLAA. When I look at the story of the jaywalker in the  big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and compare my acting out and thinking to jaywalking I relate completely

"Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say for jay -walking. He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of the fast- moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for few years in spite of friendly warnings" Big book Alcoholics Anonymous Fourth edition pg. 37.

My relapse was so cunning that I worked the steps even harder (and I slipped again)even with the friendly warning of a sponsor.  I made excuses not to go to meetings, made excuses that my sponsor didn't get it etc. etc. etc .  I started skipping out on meetings and essentially I almost didn't make it back to the room. That is the scary part of this illness.  When I start I cant stop and then I don't know if I will make it back.

Being back into recovery after that lapse was secretly mechanical.  Sure don't act out, go to meetings, talk/outreach, fellowship, but what about expanding spirituality? what about talking about the big GOD, or the HP in meetings and fellowship? What about the joy that has already come from not acting out one day at a time. How soon I forget and the old obsession gets feed and comes out sideways in subtle behaviors and anorexia!

Luckily step 3 in the SLAA handbook gives me clear directions of action backed by spirituality to help me not act out.  So what actions do I need to start taking?

The third step in SLAA handbook outlines clear cut directions.

" Having made this decision , how could we now commence our new relationship with god? The answer , like all good answers was simple. We had already been staying clear of addictive entanglements and episodes day by day for some time. What we added to this outward change in behavior was prayer. We now began each day in communion with the God of our understanding by..." Sex and Love addicts Anonymous first edition pg 77

  1. Asking for help that day in staying free from addictive behavior
  2. We asked also that God help us in the immense undertaking on which we embarked, that of undergoing the death of our former  addiction riddled self, and the rebirth of a redeemed, affirming person
  3. And if we were successful in not acting out addictively by day's end  we thanked god, whatever we understood god to be for having helped us live another twenty four hours free from bottom-line sex and love addiction. 
(Abridged from the paragraph on the page77)

Who am I asking for help? Is it my outreach partner? Is it my sponsor? No, I am asking GOD. 

If I am in a situation that is tricky, risky, or "triggering" I then

" The time- honored Serenity prayer became a part of a our daily repertoire for handling challenging and potentially dangerous situations...God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine be done" Sex and Love addicts Anonymous first edition pg. 77 

So what do I do? I PRAY. I don't sit there and process it, I don't indulge in the old story line, I don't call up an outreach partner that will cosign my victim storyline. I PRAY.


What an order! Luckily the 12 steps of SLAA is spiritual path and program of action. Each day I act to the best of my ability. If I didn't pray today, I can pray now and even tomorrow. If I indulged in my emotions today I can stop and pray on the suffering that the emotion is causing. If I ran to my outreach partner and didn't pray , I can always pause and pray and then outreach. Slow changes in my actions will create a path down an unknown territory of faith.

In my experience every time I sit ( action ) and pray ( spirituality) my thinking absolutely always changes and so to does my perception of myself , my life and any situation I am in.  If I then need additional assistance I call a trusted outreach partner that is ACTIVELY working the steps and/ or my sponsor to discuss the situation

 Each day  I  walk a path hand in hand with a power that gives me the strength I need to not act out . There is nothing else like it in the world, something not even my qualifier could  supply. I have freedom knowing I am in gods "care" safe, sound, and secure . For that I am truly grateful <3

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