Bottom Lines Create Top Lines :Experience, Strength & Hope for Sex and Love Addicts

The program of SLAA provides me a way to solve the problem of fear in a way that creates manageability, brings connection and peace. Without SLAA in my life, I am caught in an endless cycle of fear that stops me from living and dictates that suicide is the only way out. When I take inventory on my fear, at first sight, it can be surface level. It could be fear of losing a partner, potential mate, friendships, family, and friends. I then find myself in the trap of using my relationships and external circumstances to solve the irritability brewing below the surface. I break my fear down by  1) Identifying what I would loose that I already possessed and 2) Identify what I think I would fail to get that I demanded 3) Continue to ask why I have this fear After I take it through the inventory I am able to see the truth. For example, I have often found a repeated pattern of the fear of being alone in active addiction and in recovery. Although I have this fea...

Acting out on bottom lines or anorexic tendencies is risky. Its risky because I don't know when I will stop and I don't know what the consequences will be. I had a relapse three years into SLAA. When I look at the story of the jaywalker in the  big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and compare my acting out and thinking to jaywalking I relate completely "Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say for jay -walking. He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of the fast- moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for few years in spite of friendly warnings" Big book Alcoholics Anonymous Fourth edition pg. 37. My relapse was so cunning that I worked the steps even harder (and I slipped again)even with the friendly warning of a sponsor.  I made excuses not to go to meetings, made excuses that my sponsor didn't get it etc. etc. etc .  I started skipping out on meetings and essentially I almost did...

In my addiction, I had no ability to identify how my emotional, sexual and relationship patterns influenced my life. My life strategy was ingrained in my behavior early on in my formative and teenage years.   I was essentially powerless to see my patterns. I was powerless because the way I thought and felt about what I did and what I did in general was of no matter to the consequences I got. As my shame got deeper ingrained and reinforced from the people I engaged with or the actions I took, the more my mental defense grew to shield me from my memories and the acting out went on.   The big book clearly outlines this. When I substitute alcoholic for sex and love addict and drinking with outing out or relationship behavior I relate completely. “The fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient ...

When I was experiencing feelings of agitation during my addiction I would use the next fantasy, escape into the idea that a man would rescue me, think a   career/ money would solve my problems, that having  children would make me feel better and the list went on ad infinitum. However, the 12 step program of SLAA and the influence of AA, gives me the format necessary to embrace my agitation without having to engage in an additive process or harm others. Through a 10th step spot check inventory I am given the suggestion of   “Pause”. This suggestion is indeed a miracle. Firstly, When I was in my addiction I never had a right or a choice to do anything but what the addiction told me to do and secondly later in recovery where I work a program,   I find that old behavior can come up and that my inability to pause is due to my pride or my self centered impulse that dictates I do things to make me feel ok or to ignore it ( as an anorexic) and carry on! However I ...

A common occurrence I have had in my recovery experience and within the fellowship of SLAA is the awareness of being consumed with thoughts and feelings.   These thoughts may include what I  think about a relationship, what I think about myself thinking about the relationship and what I think and feel about my life. However, this thinking and feeling have only lead me to frustration, acting out behaviors and an addictive process.   So in recovery, my goal is to allow the higher power to come in to stop this addictive process and to let the addictive process leak its way out of my life. However, when I first started my recovery it was important for me to identify what my thoughts and feelings were as I was often consumed with what other peoples thoughts and feelings were etc.  So this was, in fact, a good thing to be aware of and it allowed me to work through my insane thinking of inadequacy and failure and shame and bring in more positive self-af...